Choices we make

Let's see....

Yesterday was Thursday and we spent another day arguing. Well more him yelling and me listening. then about 1 or so we sat and decided I would go get lunch for the boys and us. So I left to pick up daves prescription and got us some food. I get home, dave scarfs down his food and then says 'i gotta go take care of something' and was gone by 3pm.

It gets to be about 630. It is our regular rexs night so I text him that we are gonna go. No response. I text him the boys are asking if he is coming. No response. I text him ok sorry to bother you just was checking. No response. He didn't show for dinner there. About 940 he texts sorry I just woke up. Whatever.

Turns out while I was out yesterday she called and that's where he was rushing too. He came home at 420 am Friday to watch the boys.

Today was another day of him yelling at me, threatening to take the boys and crying. I asked what his plans are for today, the weekend, easter and he just gets pissed. Finally he says he is going out. Mind you, I asked if for a few hours we could put our problems aside and take the boys to a movie. He said no. But left by 1130 to 'go to ikea with melissa and her step daughter'.

So yet again he would rather hang with her and her kids than take his own boys out without her. It baffles me.

Just another piece of marriage license

Papers came today

I am scared to pieces. He didn't charge at me but he was beyond hot and his civil sure went out the door.

He was mad because I told my lawyer what we both made last year. His was almost 100k. She did type with his earnings and benefits that basically he made in excess of 100k. That set him off. I said I'm not trying to screw him I told her that and that a lot of it was overtime.

He stormed out of the house after calling me an ungrateful bitch and told me 'you just wait, I'm gonna ruin you' and left.

******update******
Well he left and came back and yelled and fought and he threw stuff, ripped up papers and such, and threw the front room lamp on the floor breaking it. He was here an hour, I'm guessing then left again.

UPS came with his new cell phone so I said look I'm just calling to let you know its here in case you wanted it(he was at melissa's). He called back a minute later and began again yelling at me because I 'stole' money and hired a lawyer. That yelling on phone went on for about 15 minutes. He hung up on me and within 10 minutes was here again for more yelling and angry. He didn't touch me but boy sure has me scared he just made sure to get mm from my face often and yell to show me who's boss. He demanded I change the divorce papers so the kids can see melissa and that he not pay my fees or alimony and in return, he says, he will pay for house car insurance ect. He says he wants 50/50 custody of the boys'so he isn't giving me any damn money'. We fought more, he tore up the marriage license, dumped my purse and took all the cash I had. He took our safe and left(assuming for melissa's).

So I am here scared for my life quiet lierally but trying the brave calm face for the boys while they play on the xbox. I don't know if he will be back again tonight or how long his next tirade will be and its awful.

I hated divorce before but this is rough. He is so angry he could very well hurt me. In anger he did make 2 separate threats of my life saying he could put the end of a pistle in my mouth and pull the trigger. And that 'i will kill you' as he expresses how much he hates me.

Uhm...silent treatment?

Well today after that mess over subs dave did come home for dinner but gave me bascally the silent treatment. I asked if he was eating(since he didn't at lunch) he called me stupid and said some smart ass comment. I got him a plate down to make as I always would and he said ill take care of it. Ok so I went to sit and eat. He didn't even use the plate I touched lol he shoved it aside.

We all sat together and I made an attempt to talk something neutral with him. I told him about our dear old neighbor who went to the hospital in the ambulance today. We are usually very concerned about her especially him. He just said that why her granddaughter is over there?

Ok...so I got up put my plate away. Saw he didn't use the plate I got down or put it away. So I asked what's up with you can't even use the plate I touched? Not a word. So I went and took a shower and left him to chill with boys thinking cool a shower they won't be in and out of the bathroom...wrong lol

I come out of the shower and both boys are in their room. I said did dad send you up here? They said no we just wanted to watch tv. Wow ok. So no one is downstairs with dave. After a few minutes he got pissed and left. I guess serves him right. Jerk! He didn't say a word not even to the boys. Seriously so now he made at the boys too? What for? And be mad at me cool don't ake it out on the boys. For goodness ake at least say I gotta go good night.

And the violent outburst are back

I am not saying I am innocent in all this at all I am hurt and angry and a smart mouth....but....

I stopped documented his nights away and such bc whether he works or doesn't it is every night he is there and home anytime between 1 and 4 on the mornings I work.

He isback to his angry. On Sunday he was loud and nsty threathening taking the kids and everything.

So this morning he came home at 4 for me to go to work and said he had a horrible headache. Fast forward to 1030 when I get home he had gone back to bed and was sleeping. So I let him be. I went to the bank,picked up a prescription and got us both some subs. As I am pulling up he is calling I answer he says 'where the hell did you go' so I immediately have attitde back and said I was literally pulling up to the house in 10 seconds. Figurng ill tel him when I get inside

He meets me in the kitchen and is angry I didn't tel him where I went didn't leave a note, just jumping down my throat. I put him sub and olives on a plate and said 'this was for you if your hungry' and by now I'm pissed becausehe leaves all the time and doesn't care or say anything. So I went to the bank whoa.

He asks again why I didn't leave a note or anything. I said 'look I didn't even do anything wrong today...' he cut me off talking about it being bullshit and he doesn't want shit from me and teling me to fuck off....then swipes out of the kitchen throwing a house phone on the floor breaking it. Then goes upstairs, bitxhing and pissed towards me the whole time.

I followed him and asked what did he say and he said leave me the fuck alone. I went to explain look I thought it seemed he still didn't feel good and thought he would want to eat. By now he is sitting on his desk. And he pounds with all his weightand both fists...he keeps pounding the desk and saying leave me alone leave me the fuck alone. He pounded the desk so hard he brought the whole keyboard shelf part right off.

He hasn't been this violently angry in a while. I walked away downstairs and just stayed quiet and out of his way. After a few minutes he got up did some stuff upstairs then left without a word. I assume he may have left to work at 1 but not sure.

Now I am afraid because these outburst aew when he decides to treathen me with taking the kids or having them meet her and such. And reminding me he can take it all. Hehasnt gotten his papers yet and I didn't think before right now to go pick up my copies s I have them if he does try taking the kids even just to see her.

Why is it I'M the 'unreasonable' one?

So he went to bar yesterday(Friday) and it sees hung with her to shop and whatever. Today he was supposed to work 7-3 but we didn't see him at all.

We did have a scout thing from 12-5ish. So I ask early on if we will see him at all and what his plan are. I dnt want specifics just if we had to have dinner or whatever. So when he is snippy and doesn't answer that, we call him when done with scout trip. He is with her going out. I went off. This shit hurts every time more than u can believe and it pissing me the fuck off that I am supposed to be calm and just ok with it.

So I go off. This is bull. The kids wanted to dinner with him. All of which he could have done if he wanted. So he isn't home tonight and supposedly works 7-3 tomorrow(sunday).

Because i am a bitch

We'll sre enough every night this week while he was on days he went to her place. He said he wasn't gonna but because I am such a bitch he left. With the exception of Thursday and that's because he passedd out in the chair.

So its Friday now. He went to the bar after work and said he didn't know if he would be home. Gee awesome.

Then because I am out riding bikes with the boys and don't respond to his text quick enough I must be up to something.

Gggrrrr

I was foolish

This emotion sucks we had such a nice Monday I felt bad fo a moment that I had filed for divorce. Fast forward to Tuesday and again Wednesday when he walks right out and goes to melissa. He thinks this issome kind of game and I need to prove and fight for his ass nope.

Instead all I keep wonderingis damn its been just over a week and is still have not heard anything about the papers I had filed....ugh

I hate feeling so stupid

Great so he leaves then comes back just before midnight to pick a fight with meabout how I don't have the right to use all his shit hat is his that he bought.......

Flood gates open and everything flashs to me. Like how last week I was weak and hell I want sex too. So I gave in we had sex and I rather enjoyed it. Even so I feel sleep, the best sleep I have had through all this. It was a small nap. Don't you know SHE has to call even tho she knows I am off work and probably home. So next he tells me what every girl wants to hear after sex and relaxation.....'if I knew what time it was, id of left the room'.

Yea wow so not only am I pissed a myself for giving in having sex and letting go a lil. I'm pissed because now, not only does his schedulerevolve around her but I see that mine has to too. Whethr he and I fight fuck out with kids or whatever I now know she will call around 9-930 then agin 1130-1200 and not to mention when ever she wants thru the evening.

Gee....sure enough

It is Sunday night and he is already gone again. He came home from work and was gone by 245. Said he was going to shoot some rounds with his dad. He just got back here at 820pm. I let the boys stay up til 900 to hang with him but dave didn't really say or do anything. The boys said good night and it is now 945 and he is gone.

Its like the boys even don't know what to say to him. Its going to be a long interesting week. With ave on the same shift as her I wonder if he will bother to come here at all.

Its crazy because I know what needs tol be done and in the end we will all be happier but.....I hear that truck start and my heart drops into the pit of my stomach all over again...everytime.

Finish of the weekend

Let's see. Saturday sure enuf came and went without him coming home. Gosh how I hate that. I got bitter with him Sunday morning, he supposedly worked 7-3.

I am just so sick of how hard he tries to be such a good man for her but could never be for me. And th kids hello he picks herover the kids a lot.

He came home Sunday about 230 to change and leave again. Literally he was here 10 minutes. He said he was going to shoot his guns with his dad and of course I am sure we won't see him again. He works days this week and I am off.

As much as I hate him andget pissed he isn't here it sure is nice when he isn't here and won't be. Because the kids and I do relax more without him. Its anice environment. I know what must be done. I know I should have filed years ago. I need to stick to my guns and keep my opinions to myself. Altho daily I really want to tell him daily how much I hate him for doing this.

so now we are about up to date

Friday April 1

we fought. I told him how it pisses me off that he doesn't care at all about how this affects me. i did express how i am hurt upset mad etc. but kept it fairly cordal. he proceed to call me every name under the sun which is in my text. he said how i was a cunt and he couldn't wait to not have to deal with me. we didn't talk, he didn't come home for dinner.

Saturday April 2

he strolled in this morning at 340am. i was up because one of the boys had just been up feeling sick. we all had camped out in the front room. he was all over the house when he got home, i am sure mad because i was sleeping on the couch(i really don't get why that bothers him at all). finally he went upstairs and stayed.

we fought because i just cant keep my mouth shut because i hate this all. and its saturday which means date night for him and her which hurts me even more because i asked all the time for dates and to get away with just him for a nice evening and he didn't care to.

his is supposed to work 3-11. kids and i were out for much of the afternoon. he texted me a lil just to see what was up with the kids for the evening, i told him and we haven't talked since

Catch Up

bear with me as I put all the past weeks in this post...then I hope to post regularly for documentation.
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March 5,

Its been a couple weeks barely since Dave told me
 Dave was home a couple hours after his shift ended so I could go to work. Once I was home from work he mostly avoided us, staying in his office or the bedroom. I went to see if he was working. He was supposed to at 3pm and it was 245.I walked in the bedroom and he was on the phone with Melissa. Within 10 minutes he walked out without saying a word. I called him he said he'd be "back in a damn minute" through text, since he wouldn't answer my call.

a few hours later, turned out he went to her house and was skipping work. He text me asking if he could take the boys? I called him and asked what was up? he wants to take the boys to dinner and met melissa and her kids while out.I very adamently told him NO. that I don't think that is a good idea at all. and had to beg him not to he was very angry but didn't.  He came home about 30 minutes and got his wallet, changed and left.

Sunday, March 6

he didn't come home until 7am. He was supposed to work at 7 am this morning. he said we needed to talk, only we didn't talk very much at all. he was home a few hours, showered, changed and left. saying he was going to get wipers for the truck and gas. advanced auto parts in romulus and gas in wayne and he was gone 3-4 hours.

tuesday march 8

He works til 11 was home after 1 am

Wednesday March 9

he works til 11 was home after 1 am

Thursday March 10

he works til 11 was home after 1 am

Friday march 11

He works til 11 he was home after 4, and only because I had to call and see if he was coming home....continued....

Saturday March 12

I woke up at 340 am for work and he was not here to watch the boys. called his cell at 345 am he didn't answer but text back he is on the way. he walked in the the TRASHED, extremely drunk.  I did make it to work on time but this was not good, not cool at all

his work for afternoon was 3-11 he did not come home after work.

Sunday March 13

I text dave around 6 am to find out if he was working day shift. he didn't come home after work saturday and he was tong to watch the boys so I could go to a baby shower today. He said no he was working today at 3pm.

He came home about 9am with donuts to appear to the kids as if he only went out this morning for the donuts.


at 1120am he informed me he had a "union meeting at noon" and left by 1150am.

The 3 hours he was home he didn't really interact with me, the kids, or us.  He decided not to work today and he did watch the boys so I could go to the shower. by 715pm he was telling me he was going out and left.

Monday March 14

he came home before midnight.

when I got up to take the boys to school i let him know i was gonna go out with a friend, norma.  he was mad and said it was "bullshit". I ent and he was texting and calling all mad the whole time. he left a nasty voice mail, which i kept. 

he worked at 3. the boys and i had the doctors and scouts. he later told me he went to melissas to have dinner as a family with her and her kids. he told me how "nice and happy" it was. 

Tuesday March 15

he was home around 1am we woke up and talked, argued a lil, he left the room and went downstairs. i came to talk and apologize and he was on the phone with melissa. he went to work 11-11

this is when i sucked it up and called  a lawyer for a consoltation.

wednesday March 16

It was an alright day. i tried the acceptance route but once night came my mind wondered and i got upset and texted him. now sure what time he was home but was supposed to work 11-11

Thursday March 17

Fought in the moring bc of an appointment i set up and he showed up for and there was no record of.

friday March 18

he supposed to work 3-11 he didn't work and stayed home in bed all day said he had a headache. kids and i played outside after school, biked and suck. he stayed in bed not communicationg with us at all.

around 930pm he got up and took a shower. I asked if he was going out he got all mad and said what, I can't just take a shower? by 10pm he was walking out.  i sent him a text because he didn't say anything when he left. he told me he was "walking to get air it would be good for his head" I told him the kids and i were out all day he could have had fresh air with us. I heard him come in about 330am

saturday March 19

we met because he had the boys our for breakfast. we went to the sprint store and he bought me a new phone 'out of his profit sharing'because i 'deserve it for helping him be able to work so much last year'  we came home, he let boys know he was going to "work" and left by 3pm. he wasn't working but was gone all night

Sunday March 20

I text him about 9am because we had been up and he hadn't been home or said anything. i asked if he was working at all today. he said he was 'relaxing because his head hurt' he was at melissas but told me to tell the boys he would take them to dinner when he 'got home from work' he was home about 330pm

he stayed hom til we went to bed., he picked a fight with me because I didn't want to talk to him and left.

monday March 21

not sure what time he came home. today is boys pinewood derby. dave had a doctors appointment and we argued.

Tuesday March 22

he came home about 130 am pissed i could tell so i asked he started going off about how I cheat and talk on the phone and take phone calls in the middle of the night. i had no clue what he was talking about. he named a specific person who is my lead at work who yes i have called because of a reoccuring problem at work and I told him that.

we argued the rest of the early morning til i went to work at 430am.

it turned into him telling me "all bets are off" and he was glad "he wasnt the only asshole in this house" we fought again about boys meeting melissa because I said NO WAY!!

Wednesday March23

his work 3-11 he was home about 1230 am we talked and he admitted where she works. he said he wants to move he just is 'not ready' to move yet.

thursday March 24

still fighitng about how I am an asshole for cheating when i still dont know what he is talking about and did nothing of the sort.  I expressed i would never and he seemingly let it go. the we argued about if i was on his computer and how I could get on it. he didn't believe me when i let him know it was left open and yes i looked. he told me he has taken some things to her house already. he keeps whinning about how stressed he is.

Friday march 25

we shopped a lil today for him and the kids and talked kinda opening. after shopping we had a decent day. tonight i discovered where he got the info he thought i was cheating and taking call all hours of the night. he went through my old phone logs.  i had unknow and private calls that i did indeed take. they were when i was helping a friend watching her girls when she took her son to the hospital and was there all night. i was sure to let him know that was what it all was.

it dawned on me today that he 'dated' sarah like half  our marriage :(

Satuday March 26

well i always hate today, he will be there and has no idea why i would be in a lousy mood. sure enough we argued. he was there all night, he was supposed to work 3-11 no idea if he did

Sunday march 27

he came home about 11am and went immediately upstairs. he spent no time with us. he texted me from upstairs a lil BS from time to time fighting. he got mad that i was pissed he was always there. he got on the computer a lil, showed and left for "work" 3-11 no idea if he worked at all.

He later told me he was work 'half day' and to 'leave me(him) alone" he did not come home for dinner or after his half day. kids were asking if he was coming home so I text him he said i was just trying to 'piss him off' i got mad and text him a bit about being mad. he is choosing her over the family, not even so much me but even the kids.

Monday march 28

he was home about 1am and he was mad because i was sleeping on the couch. I got up took the kids to schoool and came home to clean. he got up, dressed and said "im going out" it was 845. turns out he ran an errand for melissa.  ugh that pisses me off!!!

Why a blog????

Maybe because I am addicted to technology? Maybe so it seems more safe? Maybe so it can't get trashed or deleted easily? Maybe because the only one who understands me is me? Maybe because when I share my inner most thoughts and feeling it only makes other upset or offended?

I am about to embark on one of the biggest adventures of my life........and I am not happy about it. This right now will be a place to record and document my experiences and I hope eventually help me evolve into a much better person through it all.